Iyer Mamis & Futures market of Love

Derivatives are the symbols of financial innovation.. we give credit to the US markets for using derivatives on a wide variety of underlyings… from weather to real estate…but none of them can beat the forward contracts written on love and marriage alliances by the famed south Indian Iyer mamis!!!!

Why do Iyer marriages last two days??? That’s because they are like mini stock exchanges!!! The actual wedding is only a small part of the work that gets carried out at such functions… Lemme explain….

The largest visitors of these marriages are 50 year old ladies, whom we will henceforth refer to as “mamis”… these women act as dealers, and are the single biggest headache of most men of marriageable age! In the mami hierarchy, their stature is determined by the number of prospective brides and grooms they keep track of… they go around publishing this like the two-way quote of a dealer…. 18/22….

I was shocked last night to get a serious buzz from my uncle…
"Rishi, I want to ask you something… give me a frank, honest answer…"
"Yeah mama, sure… wassup?"
"Do u love someone there? "
er….did I hear him right?? "Well……..no? whats going on?"
Its not like eligible, desirable women are queuing outside my room!!!!!
"I’ve got 3 alliances for you… what do u think???"

PANIC!!! What else???? Here I am…. Just beginning to appreciate the whiff of freedom, with promises of a job and a decent salary… and in the background, there is a conspiracy in the mami network to shoot down all that???

One of my friends was given the option of marrying any of three brothers of a certain family, depending upon when she wanted to get married….now? eldest one is free.. next year? Second one is free…. Can it get weirder???

Each of these brides/grooms are like short/long positions… and each of them comes with a contract specification…. Profession, designation, salary, date of birth, horoscope blah blah…. Order matching happens on a dynamic basis!!! Delivery obviously happens at the warehouse (read mandap) chosen by the seller… Now things become clear!!! That’s why all Iyer marriages happen at the bride’s place…. Because that is the “short” position….

And there is no end to the number of times a mami closes out her position by passing on the contract to some other mami!!! Some mamis also look to take proprietary positions by reserving the best girls for their own sons….. but mostly, they do it for the sheer service to society!!!

But I guess guys like me couldnt thank these mamis enough!!! At shaadi.com and in newspaper matrimonials, I wouldn’t stand a chance… I photograph like a criminal!!! :-D