The significance of 5mm

As I opened the door to his room, saji was grinning from ear to ear….

“YES!!! I got SLIM”

“Er…..Congratulations, but I never thought u were fat… and also, nothing much has changed in the last 24 hours….”

“No u fool! I’m talking abt this really cool elective for term 6… Social Legislation for Indian Managers….”

“Oh, u amaze me… isn’t that all you guys have been doin for the last 2 years???”

“Yeah, but this is a revision course of all that we have learned so far….Our toppers specially requested for it….”

As I mulled over his words, reality struck me… Rewind to day 1 of XLRI… lots and lots of cute girls around, mostly seniors…. More importantly, mostly IRs… Summers… End of slot one… Placecomm chairman announces the updates…. “52 PMIRs and 63 BMmers placed….” You might think that’s not so bad… but in reverse, it reads 9 IRs and 63 BMmers still left in process….

I hate the guys in PMIR… they get all the hot project partners….. consult jobs and there is hardly any work… on both sides of the campus wall…. Just think about it… BMmers come back after an accounting midterm, and the IRs are leaving on a bike trip to Chandil dam… BMmers are all Xeroxing Gellar (what was that probability book???) and the IRs are clicking fotos of Tango puja!!!

Even at work, during summers, its damn hard to miss the contrast… first floor corporate banking… 50 year old men in suits, and me… grave faces, screaming at each other, pulling hairs, talking about sensex… for a moment I go to the second floor….HR… 30 year old girls…wearing jeans…. Planning birthday parties and signing cheques…. They suck even at that… I still haven’t got my cheque 6 months after my summers…..

One of the first things I learned during my MBA was the “Theory of Misplaced Concreteness”… All this jargonesque stuff they teach you is actually shit and useless… Cook up fancy terms for the most frivolous of things….Just think about the courses that they have, and the futility of it all will strike you…

Snooping, for Dummies (Social Research Methods)

Sneak around people’s houses at night rummaging their garbage…..looking for porn…. on the pretext of studying patterns in the sexual satisfaction index and its correlation with crime rate against women….. well…… no comments….. just wondering if the porn does make its way back to the trash in the end….

Handbook of Interior Decoration (Human Resource Planning)

Who should sit next to the toilet? At what temperature should the AC run? Where should the cooler be kept?

Crystal Ball gazing (Neuro Linguistic Programming)

A lot of forecasting happens in a bschool….forecast sales, forecast stock prices, inventory requirements…. But what about HR manages? Poor people cant forecast strikes or employee unrests….. Hence, the training in crystal ball gazing….

Look at the person in front of you… if his eyeballs go up, he sees things… if his eyeballs go down, he feels things…. What bullcrap!!!

Close your eyes… think of your biggest weakness…. One of your body parts is creating this weakness…. Call it, communicate with it… find out what it wants….. Ok, now wouldn’t u judge me, leave alone call me a pervert, if I start talking to my body parts???

Best Birthday Parties Ever!: A Kid’s Do-It-Yourself Guide (Wage Determination & Administration)

This is like the biggest joke…. All that the IRs learn is law…. And they fix the wages and pay of employees who actually work in a profile these people don’t understand…. Administration of course refers to strenuous tasks like inviting employees, singing the birthday song and cutting the cake…..

How to split a cheque into 5? (Executive Compensation)

A BMmer gets hired by this company…. They say ok, your salary is 10 lakhs… The job of the HR manager is to split that in 5 ways… basic, dearness allowance, house rent allowance, etc etc… you call that work???

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Art of Seduction (Selection)

It is a public secret that the weaker sex has usually stronger chance of cracking interviews and GDs…. The guys in IR crib about the discrimination in college, join a company, come back and repeat the exact same behavior…..this course ambitiously aims to refine the crass flirting we see on campus to more sophisticated levels….

FRAXing (Managerial Competencies & Career Development)

Watch other competent people working, and develop your own career in the process…..

The Art of keeping your Ass alive (Labour Law Applications)

What are two things nobody understands? And are scared of?

1. Medical terms…. We all remember the Lymphosocoma of the intestine that took away Rajesh Khanna in Anand

2. Legal terms…. They are especially drafted this way because the parliament is full of illiterate fools….they don’t want anyone to find mistakes in what they write…. And the judiciary tho earns its bread and butter trying to decipher and interpret whatever is written there.. it’s a misconception that parliament and judiciary cant stand each other… it’s a very symbiotic relationship from where I see it….

The HR managers learn a few of these legal terms to save their ass from the hardworking employees who dare to scream at them for FRAXing…

Gossip: Deal with It Before Word Gets Around (Managerial Counseling)

Most of the rumours in companies are started by HR managers….on the pretext of counseling of course…..

Khushwant Singh's Jokebook (Strategic HR)

strategy and HR? hee hee hee...Rotfl....

I wonder how mohanty wud take it if we were to go request for a course on "Finance for Indian Managers"..... and i regret missing the PMIR column by 5 mm in the XAT registration form.....

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