Einstein in love with Hannibal Lecter

Have you ever been forced to accompany your mom to a wedding of some distant relative??? And u felt like you are standing bang in the middle of a Mumbai CST railway platform…. There is a lot of hustling and bustling going on, lots of activity…. But you cant place a single face…. Have you ever felt as if even if you disappeared, it wouldn’t make an iota of difference to anyone der? Your own mom who was so begging you to come is just happy she got a lift and is now oblivious of your existence, happily gossiping with mrs gupta…… or sharma….. How does that make a difference to you?

Well, chatting with your lady love can be a very similar experience…. This is the classic case of information asymmetry…. Because she is the only one who knows whether you are gonna get lucky… shez the only one who knows (apart from, of course, her best friend who keeps giggling every time u get like within a square kilometer of her!!!) whether this is gonna work out or not….yeah well, all day you debate the pros and cons of talking to her….or chat with her….or call her…as the case may be……

Pros:

You love her… you wanna talk to her…

Cons:

You are a pain in her wrong side… Quit bugging her….Have some self respect… you are a man….. Shez been giving the cold treatment to you for months now… can’t u see? Shez NOT INTERESTED!!!!!

Screw LOGIC!!!! You finally summon all the courage at your disposal and buzz…..

“Hi, u there?”

One second

10 seconds

30 seconds

1 minute

“hi”

Guys note, this 1 minute is the time it takes her to call her best friend to share the gossip….

You don’t know what to say….what do you tell a person you love!!!! Awkward silence descends on the romantic air….This is the first lesson.. There can be several degrees of embarrassing silences…… YESS!!!! You finally have it……..the idea….

“how was the day?”

Yes, that’s cool…a very nice question…get comfortable….show you are concerned…

“it was ok”

Hmmm… no help there…. What do you answer to that???

“Had lotsa classes?”

“No. you?”

Applause!!!! Standing ovation from everyone around the stadium……Salute the champion!!! SHE has finally asked YOU a question!!!! All is not lost….

“Yeah… had an awful day… 3 whole classes…But they were interesting… especially PMIR… we were discussing the evolution of Collective Bargaining…..”

Hey, HEY HEY!!! Hold it there…

“…..and how the legal climate of the country played a role in shaping…..”

Oh fuck! Yer never gonna get her!!!

You do not even realize that for the last two minutes, yer the one whoz been doing all the typing… for all you know, she may have even left for a coffee….. or to flirt with cuter guys…. Dumb guys yes…. But that’s not so bad…they don’t discuss collective bargaining with their lady love like Mr Einstein here…. No wonder… the dumber the dude, baber the babe…..The theory does have a point….

“er… I am sorry…. I gotta rush…. Priya is calling…”

Finally she does type in something…. Even though it is a goodbye, I broke your heart note…

Did she just tell you goodbye???? What can possibly be more important than a romantic discussion on collective bargaining???? The Pentagon falling apart??? No, that isn’t important…. Jenna Jameson visiting campus???? Hmm…maybe….Doesn’t she realize that there are still endearing discussions on theology, scientology and communist philosophy to talk about???

What is she? Hannibal Lecter?? Doesn’t she know how excruciating the wait can be???? You havta start the process all over again… waiting for a whole new day to buzz her.. the debates… the counseling sessions with your rakhi sister… that reminds you, where has she been for the last 3 days??? HIDING FROM YOU!!!!

Ah, the vicious circle of waiting, debating, chatting, making a fool of yourself and getting shooed away continues…..